Lyrics

(This call is being recorded)

Nikolas: Hello?

Jason: Hey Josh!

Ryan: Hello!

What does life mean to you?

( So if home is where the heart is
And I'm feeling heartless
Tell me, where's my heart live?
Known no home but hardship)

[Hook]
So if home is where the heart is
And I'm feeling heartless
Tell me, where's my heart live?
Known no home but hardship
So if home is where the heart is
And I'm feeling heartless
Tell me, where's my heart live?
Known no home but hardship

[Verse 1]
Why's this timeline this hard?
Hard like rocks I've kicked far
My mind strung like guitars
Been picked through more than parked cars
Farthest out from fame
That's by far
Ghastly, sickly shade
Like Gengar
I stay haunted
Read my memoirs
It reads like obituary memoirs
Simple sinful kid since kinder
Way 'fore Tendo claimed this handle
Dim like wicks on dim lit candles
Him and all them misfit randoms
Songs like hats, they panned 'em
Guess we're past that anthem
Yes, I paid that ransom
Best laid plans and then some
(And one)

[Verse 2]
Dancing on the needle
I need all hands on the wheel this time
Stance is feeling feeble
I feel fatally in flaws of mine
Mind my manners?
Man your timings right on time, like every time
I tried trying to find kindness and all I found were heavy fines

Empty chest
Like: been there, done that
Legend says: 
That dungeons been had
Dragon's nest
That princess kidnapped
The hero's best: could never win back

[Hook]
So if home is where the heart is
And I'm feeling heartless
Tell me, where's my heart live?
Known no home but hardship
So if home is where the heart is
And I'm feeling heartless
Tell me, where's my heart live?
Known no home but hardship

[Bridge]
(So if home is where the heart is
And I'm feeling heartless
Tell me, where's my heart live?
Known no home but hardship
So if home is where the heart is
And I'm feeling heartless
Tell me, where's my heart live?
Known no home but hardship)

[Verse 3]
Played my role
But this ain't a game
Taking notes on an empty page
Roll the dice on the lowest side
Naturally tried it twenty times
Lost it all, but who's counting right?
After all, it's all a losing fight
Call it off, someone hit the lights
Reset the sights it's just not the night

[Outro]
(If my heart can't find a home
I'll get through life on my own
Hollow bones, all alone
Empty chest
Hollow home
If my heart can't find a home
I'll get through life on my own
Hollow bones, all alone
Empty chest
Hollow home)

[Hook]
(It's not like I've never been this sick before
I'm just sick of it
Don't need this shit
Not anymore
I can’t sing  the harmony
I got too much harm in me
Sick of being sick
I think I need the whole pharmacy)
It's not like I've never been this sick before
I'm just sick of it
Don't need this shit
Not anymore
I can’t sing  the harmony
I got too much harm in me
Sick of being sick
I think I need the whole pharmacy

[Verse 1]
Testing-
Test me
I'll tell you this things on for sure
Resting, less aggressive
I could really use a chore
Yessir
It's not cancer
I'll survive , I'm just too bored
Every days the same
I'm running out of looking forward
What should I be working toward
What the fuck am I working for?
Break my back to earn a sack
Pay debt back and nothing more
Carry it with muscles sore
Aching actively to the core
Fuck that 9 to 5
I think I'll hit the door and leave at 4

[Verse 2]
1, 2, 3: all eyes on me
I need your likes to feed my feed
Fiendishly, I need to need
Your ratings are my cravings
I've been fasting and I need to feast
Feed me please, I need to eat
I'll clean my plate all nice and neat 
Then ask for more
(Like it's the least)
Minutes before I take leaps
I'm leaps and bounds
Head over feet
Been like this for hours
It's like our lives been stuck on repeat
Father time I'd like to greet
Shake his hand
"It's nice to meet"
Ask if he can flip the hourglass back
(Reverse years for me)

[Hook]
(It's not like I've never been this sick before
I'm just sick of it
Don't need this shit
Not anymore
I can’t sing  the harmony
I got too much harm in me
Sick of being sick
I think I need the whole pharmacy)
It's not like I've never been this sick before
I'm just sick of it
Don't need this shit
Not anymore
I can’t sing  the harmony
I got too much harm in me
Sick of being sick
I think I need the whole pharmacy

(Sick of being sick
I think I need the whole pharmacy)

[Verse 1]
I'm at war 
Just me and myself
A battle for turf
In a personal hell
Gangland violence
On my mental health
Drive-bys in my mind
The victim is self
Who was it that said
That "Wisdom is Wealth"
I'ma put a target on his back
For the hell of it
Cause I'm broke, and rents due
You don’t see the issue?
(You must've never crept past your landlord in stealth)

[Verse 2]
I'm a southern-born
Bible-belt raised individual
With a northern set of ways 
That keep me mostly criminal
Early riser most days
So I keep it eastern
My mother's only son
But I set horizons west
(I guess)
That makes me relatively cardinal
Presently I'm hardly healthy
Harder still, I'm pretty ill
Mentally defensive
I've been fighting off a nasty spill
My guts or brains or both?
(It's still early yet to tell)

[Verse 3]
(I calls 'em like I sees 'em
Here's my cards just read 'em
Looks like my hand flopped
So I'll do the weeping
My soul for the reaping
All finders, no keepers
I'll keep my eyes peeled
Like Justin in Jeeper's)
I'll double my features
For half of my leisure
Spend more time on these rhymes
Then kin, friend, or creature
It's hello, then goodbye
It's been nice to meet ya
Fuck bygones
Be bye, gone
Then suck it
(Like Leeches)

(Vocal sample: hellofuckyou hahaha)
(Goodbye)

[Verse 4]
I don't want sympathy
Just please be here to hear my new symphony
Satan's been tempting me
40 days in the desert left me with tendencies
Crazy, but clinically
Nothing's fulfilling me
Guess go out on the hunt for new enemies
No one's a friend to me when I keep ending chivalry
I'm hung in the pillory
Come and laugh and throw shit
At the village idiot
I know you got opinions
But you can keep it-
To the timeline
If you don’t mind
You're so kind
It's showtime
In other words: It's go time
To the start line
It's all fine
Curtain calls and final chapters
Couldn’t plan for this disaster
After reading my soliloquy
I left here expeditiously
Way more naughty than I'm nice
So I'll never finish last
Even surreptitiously
We're ending all fictitiously

[Verse 5]
But here we are:
The vicious thing?
I'm more factual than fiction
I got less than perfect diction
But it comes with all the fixins
Can you tell me what it’s missing?
Perfections always been the mission
Til I get it right I'm left with always goin' fishin'
Pick a card
Any card
I bet I guess
Third times the charms
With any luck, lady luck's still leaning on my arm
Walking on a razor's edge
With the same blade used for self-harm
Better than a window ledge
If I let go with both arms
Karma came and set a few alarms
I ignored 'em all
Went back to bed
Quit my job and closed the farm
Tried to keep my mind open like the doors on barns
But I couldn't hold my horses
(I've been trying pretty hard)

[Outro]
Working hard or hardly working
Might be both, is it important?
Lately I've been fully taking just a portion
Isn't worth it
What's the purpose?
I've been wondering where the earth is
In relation to the worthless
(When they couldn't give a damn about your prayers and all your curses)

Nikolas:Hello?

Oh geez.

Friends I suppose
My mom?

Family, definitely.

I don’t really know if there IS a meaning to life
I can tell you that…
We're lucky to be here
Like it's just so in-in
Incredibly insane
That we get to be, like, in the moment
Like having a conversation on the phone like this
And have a friend that you've had for a long time
And…people around you that have been there
Loved you for a really long time
I think that friendships and bond or shit like that
Is the meaning of life
Personally

(Dail tone and hang up)

[Hook]
Mindless
No-
Timeless
If you find this
Don't you mind it's-

Just my list of sickness
It's more like a hit list
Crossed out my ignorance
It turns out it's not bliss
My list of sickness
It's more like a hit list
Crossed out my ignorance
It turns out it's not bliss

[Verse 1]
Godlessly
I've wandered
I've been pondering
On the gods and things
On all odds and ends
Like do Saturn's rings
Circle endlessly
For eternity
If they do maybe I'll realize:
They're more like me
Then I saw with my own eyes
Seemingly deceived
Maybe it's time
To try looking inside
Introspectively
See what's gone wrong within my mind
Telescopically

[Bridge 1]
Give me space
I can’t breathe
Fill my lungs so I can scream
I let it out so easily
When it's just me and I'm at peace
I bounce between okay and not
Like I stay balanced on a beam
Just let me go
I need to leave
I wish you all knew what it means
I mean
I wish you all could see the pain that all this silence brings
When sadness takes from finer things
It leaves me empty then it stings
Leaves it's mark and then it seems:
It wants nothing to do with me
So what's a guy supposed to do
(When his most just means the least?)

[Hook]
Mindless
No-
Timeless
If you find this
Don't you mind it's-

Just my list of sickness
It's more like a hit list
Crossed out my ignorance
It turns out it's not bliss
My list of sickness
It's more like a hit list
Crossed out my ignorance
It turns out it's not bliss

[Verse 2]
I gave up searching for the finer things
In life focused on the minor things
In spite of all the monotony 
Took my time to monopolize
Finalize and prioritize what it means to "I"
And what I tend to find
When I close my eyes and to my surprise
(I was left behind)

[Bridge 2]
(Behind these eyes you won’t find crosses
They've been exed out like I'm counting losses
Behind these eyes you won’t find crosses
They've been exed out like I'm counting losses)

[Outro- Refrain]
Give me space
I can’t breathe
Fill my lungs so I can scream
I let it out so easily
When it's just me and I'm at peace
I bounce between okay and not
Like I stay balanced on a beam
Just let me go
I need to leave
I wish you all knew what it means
I mean
(I wish you all could see the pain that all this silence brings
When sadness takes from finer things
It leaves me empty then it stings
Leaves it's mark and then it seems:
It wants nothing to do with me
So what's a guy supposed to do
When his most just means the least?)

[Hook]
I've been blessed with these blue eyes
What they've seen would drive you blind
At the scene of a new crime
Drive away pay it no mind
I've been blessed with these blue eyes
What they've seen would drive you blind
At the scene of a new crime
Drive away pay it no mind

[Verse 1]
I'll say it with my whole chest:
Fuck this
I've been driving reckless
Give a fuck less
If I wreck: that's a "hell yes"
Give new meaning to a Hellcat
I guess
I've been feeling less, never more
Got a raven on my shoulder
And a hunch that I'ma die like Edgar
Hunched over in a gutter
Or propped up on a bench
Lessons learned the hard way
(Yeah life's a bitch)

(Isn't it)

[Verse 2]
Does she love me?
It's a yes or a no
I guess if I know
It would ruin the joke
So you wanted some fun?
I brought punchlines and puns
I got hours of content
To contend with
(It's on)

(But first)

[Verse 3]
I'm the life of the party
When it comes to a funeral
Sorry I'm tardy
Wish I'd known it was critical
Still I'm here in the physical
I showed up
It's a miracle
What the fuck else could I give to ya?
Oh, are you finsihed yet?
It wasn't clear enough
(Could you clear it up?)

[Hook]
I've been blessed with these blue eyes
What they've seen would drive you blind
At the scene of a new crime
Drive away pay it no mind
I've been blessed with these blue eyes
What they've seen would drive you blind
At the scene of a new crime
Drive away pay it no mind

(I've been blessed with these blue eyes)

(What they've seen would drive you blind)

I've been blessed with these blue eyes

(I'll say it with my whole chest: Fuck this)

[Hook]
Let's start at the end
Not when it begins
When it all went to shit
Quicker than this
Like a tale in reverse
Make it slow and then fast
Then we're back to the top
And it finishes last
Let's start at the end
Not when it begins
When it all went to shit
Quicker than this
Like a tale in reverse
Make it slow and then fast
Then we're back to the top
And it finishes last

[Verse 1]
I'm sorry it ended this way
He couldn’t make it
We tried everything
He's still on the table
Where we tried to save him
I promise I'd take it all back
If able
I didn't leave for dead
I'm not Cain
Couldn't keep to my brother and save him from pain
I'd accept a few shots to the nose like cocaine
I should back up and visit his grave
But my feet find no friction
There's nothing to stick with
My momentums moreso momento mortem
Scared shitless
Admittance
I'm still playing victim
I promise I'll listen
Of course I still miss him
I'll silently wish it was me when it isn't
But I'm soulless without him
So I guess what's the difference

[Beat Switch]

[Verse 2]
Archers-
Ready your bows
Aim-
For the middle of rows
Anything less is just middle of road
We're aiming to miss being up front
Don't you know?
I should check in
I should pick up the phone
Well, maybe not
Who knows if he's home
Connecting the dots
I should've known
It shows in the gap and the distance that's grown

 [Verse 3]
Remember when we met?
The first not the second
A friendship in recap
The best not the weakest
From strangers to soulmates
In less than a weekend
Who knew losing you-
Would cut me the deepest?

[Hook Refrain]
Then we're back to the top
And it finishes last
Like a tale in reverse 
Make it slow and then fast
Where it all to shit
Quicker than this
Let's start at the end
Not when it begins

(Then we're back to the top
And it finishes last)

(Let's start at the end
Not when it begins)

Ryan: Hello!

Hmm that's a hard one

Good?
Uh

Hmmmm…

Good!

I mean great.

Oh! Because I- have two moms
And- I get food

Life to me is all about: school, friends, family….me, holidays,
Holidays and…puppies? Dogs? Cats?
I don't know…

Okay!

[Hook]
I've been living on standby
Watch as life passes me by
Lost in limbo, no witness
To symptoms of sickness
Not dead, but what is this?
I've been living on standby
Watch as life passes me by
Lost in limbo, no witness
To symptoms of sickness
(Not living, what is this?)

(Please stand by)

[Verse]
Stuck in the in between
What does my meaning mean?
If the median never meets up with the average
The leftovers go to whoever can have it
Not cocky, can’t back it
Not loaded, can't rack it
Empty like shells spent on chasing rabbits
I'm finding I'm hellbent on keeping habits

I'm locked in
(Not focused, I'm stuck in place)
I'm boxed out
(My locus is out of frame)
I'm not okay, but I'll say I is
I'll play the game, but I'm down some chips
Whatever you say, I'm a plagiarist
I'll save up my rage and I'll ball a fist
Apologist?
Not I, my miss
But I'ma miss this sorry shit
No benefit in saving it
My center is still caving in
While carving out my name in bricks
So later they can say that it's-
"Been nice knowing him"
"He was such a great guy"
Then they'll claim that they knew with a tear in their eye

[Hook]
I've been living on standby
Watch as life passes me by
Lost in limbo, no witness
To symptoms of sickness
Not dead, but what is this?
I've been living on standby
Watch as life passes me by
Lost in limbo, no witness
To symptoms of sickness
Not living, what is this?

(Not living, what is this?)

(Not living, what is this?)

(Standby)
(Please stand by)
(Please stand by)

(Ladies and gentlemen…
Standing by)

(Fucking hell, play!)

[Verse 1]
Woke up this morning with a new mindset
Looked at the clock to check what the time is
Telling myself that I am the finest
No matter the mountain, I'm gonna climb it
This Monday I'm manic, there's no need to panic
Depressive by next week, so I'll just abandon
Any regrets and I'll chase my ambitions
I'm gonna try commanding some wishes
Tied to a rock and I slept with the fishes
Now I refreshed and I'm clean like some dishes
No need to hide it, it's not like a mistress
Then again maybe it's none of your business
Handle your own and I'll manage mine
I'm gonna get it while I'm feeling fine
I'll have a plan set
Won't go in blind
Just hoping that maybe I finish this time

[Verse 2]
Fuck it I'm branding myself as the "New Me"
Fuck ya if you ever thought that you knew me
You only knew the old version: the blue me
It's a new kid
Adverse then just sue me
Adversely conversing, I purchased a tomb
I ruffled some feathers, so girth up your plummage
No room in these verse so fuck your assuming
My three days are up
I'm back out the tomb 
Then-
I'm risen like Christ, but unholy like Satan
Living my life like I've been forsaken
Raised up in strife, what's mine for the taking
Just wanna say:
(Look Ma I made it!)
Taking my shot, won’t look where I'm aiming
Thicken the plot to make a new statement
Whip up the pot, who's gonna blame ya
Ready or not: I'm here for the payment

[Bridge]
And I'm ready to die-
Whenever you say- 
"Go"
Yeah I've had a good time
But I'm over these days so-
When I leave it behind
Believing that they know
All the love I can find
I'm hoping the ways-
Show

[Verse 3]
I feel it slipping again
I wasted my time on this shit
All of these lines start to blend
Then I go crossing all them-
Out
I hit rock bottom it's in-
Doubt
Can't find the problem
What's this about?
Had troubles worth solving
I then-
Shout
In downward spiral
I'm spinning south
Screaming my lungs out with no one to hear it
Matter of fact I'm in the opinion
No matter how hard- 
That I'm gonna fear it
I can't escape-
It's dreadful appearance
It appears my fears with worth their salt
When after all these years it's all my fault

Jason: Hey Josh!

Life means to me: a focus on not the material
Which is nothing that we can take with us when
the end of our life comes about
But rather, what we can share and perhaps what 
we leave on other people as we live our lives
'Cause those things can go well beyond our individual
lifespans
And in fact, even spread generations well beyond our
lifespans

So to me fundamentally, life is about love
And using that love to share and make a difference
to improve or anytime we meet somebody
make their life a little better than what we found it to be
And by doing I think you find the most meaning in life and feel the most confirmed
So to me the meaning of life is really about love

//Long//

[Verse 1]
What does life meant to me?
Let me think about it
Sit on it and ponder
Wonder why I'm fonder
Of the thought of not existing
Or even try to bother
Thought I'd make the 27 club
(Looks like I'm gonna make it)
Sorry I don’t grin that much
But here you go I'll fake it
If only for the sake of it
I'll you all how great it is
For the love, I'm praising it
It paved the way to gratefulness
But really it's no wonder I've been sick of saving up for shit

[Verse 2]
Wake up for another shift
Just enough to pay the rent
Makes me wish I never fucked up on that scholarship
Take me back to 22 and make me learn a thing or two
Tell me it's not worth it, stop me dropping out of school
Played a couple shows, thinking I was pretty cool
And that lady in my bed, who knew she'd play me for a fool
Guess that's what I get for sleeping in and hitting snooze
But I should've never went to taking pills and all that booze
If 17 fucked me up, then 21 just broke me
Had a young adult just wishing for the old me
Writing in my journal
Asking God for what he owed me
'Til I wrote it out and I took enough to low me

[Verse 3]
Same day I tried it, my mother tried it too
Almost left my sister lonely in a room
Glad that we could make it
Now she's higher than the moon
And she's teaching other kids that they can make it out of doom
Sorry for the sadder shit, I'm just venting out my gloom
I'ma write my story, I'm the weaver at the loom
Sorry for forever, been a burden since the womb
But time to pause the episode and work on something new
And to my dad: apologies
I know how hard this all can be
I wish we could've had a normal kind of son and father rivalry
Built a better bond with me
Seen me grow in POV
Instead of watching back on things like VCRs and DVDs

(That just isn’t me)

//Winded//

[Verse 4]
I'm sorry
I know that I've said it a lot
But I really can’t stress this enough
I'm here at the edge of the bluff
I tried going back, but it's tough
I don’t think that I'm built for this stuff
When giving my all's not enough
And the outlook is rough
There's no looking up 
(Am I losing my touch?)

[Bridge]
Fuck the world
What the fuck?
Back and forth
Same old rut
Fuck the world
What the fuck?
Back and forth
Same old rut
(Fades out)

Joshua: Life is really just what you make it
It’s about the people you surround yourself with
It's about your mindset
It's about how you wake up every day
And… go get what you want
What you can.
And sometimes what you can and what you want lines up
And uh, you just kinda have to cherish those moments
Cause that's what life is really…about
Is those moments
Cause you only get those

[Verse 5]
I only cry when I'm really feeling it
But that don't really mean that I've been defeating it
Said it plenty times
There's no use repeating it
Only had enough to make a couple miles
And we been depleted it
Think I've had enough
Deleted it
Then I went at it-
At speed again
If it's worth the risk-
Both feet in, then
But if it's a miss-
I'm meeting ends
Whether in career or life it really all depends
But I'ma take a final shot and treat it like a 10
Apologize to fam and friends for how this all will end
I hope I make a trend out of making my amends 

(And if you're listening, I could use a hand)